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QuoteWhat are sports? Today, we are very difficut to define the identity of sports, So I'm trying to define the concept of sports. Does computer game belong to sports or not? or Does Baduk belong to sports or not? In fact, computer game and internet game were categorized sports by the ministry of culture, sports, and tourism in the beging of the 2000s. Some sports scientists haven't agree with this decision for a long time. I also strongly refused to accept it because I thought that sports has to have the attributes of rules, structured, organized, commpetition, and amusement on the base of physical activities.
E-sports including computer game and online game is not only insufficient of physical activities but also does harm with the frontal lobe. The meaning of sports has been changed as the era and times, of curse. Do you know the differeces between e-sports and e-game? As I mention earlier, e-sports lacks of the attributes of sports-rules, structured, organized, commpetition, and amusement on the base of physical activities. In fact there are many benefits to be e-sports from e-game in positioning terminology. For example, e-sports gamers have advantage for military service and e-sports industry is supported by our nation in budgets.
But in my 2cents, e-sports industy seems like the liquor industry, the drug industry, the gambling industry, and the cigarette industry and also the worst enenmy of sports, even if our nation make money from e-sports. It's terrible, thinking about juvenile delinquency of the world from addiction of e-game and reduction of sports activityies.
Good stuff,
Check the bold marks for changes and the red for pointers.
E-sports (including computer games and online games) is not only insufficient of physical activities but also does harm to the frontal lobe. The meaning of sports has changed with the times [has been implies someone changed it; but times change on their own and evolve with each generation], of course. Do you know the differences between e-sports and e-games? As I mention earlier, e-sports lacks of the attributes of sports-rules, structure, organization, competition, and amusement on the base of physical activities. In fact there are many benefits to be e-sports from e-game in positioning terminology. For example, e-sports gamers have advantage for military service and e-sports industry is supported by our nation in budgets [I'm still confused about the difference between e-sports and e-games. Try to define them a little more, use examples, or add transition words to contrast and compare ideas: however, still, yet, etc.].
My two cents is that the e-sports industry is like the liquor industry, the drug industry, the gambling industry, and the cigarette industry and is possibly the worst enemy of sports, regardless of whether our nation makes money from e-sports. With all the juvenile delinquency in the world from addicted e-gamers that don't get enough sporting activities, we should not confuse e-sports with traditional sports.
Additional notes
- we are difficult: it is difficult; we are having a hard time
- when talking about a countable noun in general (most of them are a certain way), use a plural -s.
- my opinion is that the e-sports industry seems like: when you say A seems like B, it is your opinion. If you say, in my opinion, then say A is like B. Having two opinion expressions modifying one thought weakens your point.
- "Terrible" is fine to use in conversation, but you'd need to define it in writing. It's too vague and subjective, like "good" or "bad."
- You started well, but you can strengthen your argument by concluding with your original premise: e-games/sports should not be considered sports.
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